Unserviceable assembly? Don’t be afraid to try and fix it yourself. | Articles

I’m sorry, but this column is an unserviceable assembly. You see, modern magazines are really complicated, and when a column like this happens, it’s just not feasible for mere mortals like us to open them up and fix them. Instead, we’ll need to replace the whole page as an assembly–and that comes from the central publishing office in Germany. Ordering a new column will take four to six weeks, cost $15,000, and of course you’ll have to turn this column in to prevent a core charge. Oh, and sorry, but we’re currently out of loaner stories. 

Sorry, I know that previous paragraph was ridiculous. And you’ve probably figured out by now that I’m not talking about magazines: I’m talking about dealership service departments and the growing trend of them not, well, servicing stuff. I’ve never really been one for dealer service anyway, but my latest project has left me astounded at the system that’s been built. 

See, a year ago I picked up a broken 2014 Porsche Cayman for just $15,000. Why so cheap? Because it was missing fifth and sixth gear. 

[$15,000 Porsche: Are we stupid, or the smartest bargain hunters you know?]

The Porsche dealer told the previous owner that the transmission had an internal problem, and it could (you guessed it) only be replaced as an assembly. 

The price for the job? About $15,000. That’s right: Porsche treats this fairly simple six-speed manual transmission as a magic box that can’t be opened. 

How do I know it’s fairly simple? Because after my wife and I drove the car cross-country from Seattle to Florida–the whole way with just four gears–I tore out the transmission myself, cracked it open, and found the problem: A dowel pin holding the fifth- and sixth-gear shift fork to its rail had fallen out and was now stuck to the magnet in the transmission’s sump. After ordering a properly sized dowel pin and some Loctite from McMaster-Carr, the transmission shifts perfectly, and I’ll pop it back into the car whenever that new clutch gets here.

Instead of fixing the problem for $15,000, I’d fixed it for less than $100. To be fair, Porsche’s quote included a new clutch and flywheel, but the difference is still absolutely staggering. 

Total time invested? Roughly a day of labor, and that includes a leisurely breakfast and an early dinner. And that’s with no factory transmission parts, diagrams or service manuals. I think I spent less than an hour actually…